Okay, so... this is my first depressing journal in awhile... Since moving to Santa Rosa, I've been very happy in school and in my new town, but since I'm at my father's house right now.. aqnd something is bothering me, that has been bothering me about my father for as long as I can remember...

Everytime I go to my father's house, like right now, all my father does is yell at me, call me 'stupid', if I do something wrong that he asks me to do, and it really makes me depressed and homesick, and my father is very self-centered as well. I have never even been close to my father...

Once I do go home, it gets stuck in my head, when I think abojut the fact that I really actually dont HAVe a father figure in my life. One that actually treats me like his daughter, not tell me how worthless I am. And when I see other sons and daughters with their dads... having a great time...it makes me hurt, inside, that I can't have that.

But... if I vhad to choose between my father and stepfather, and who I AM closer with, i'd have to pick my stepdad, since he is more like a dad than my real dad. But... I do feel like, since my stepdad is always so stressed out and never happy, I feel like I am the cause of WHY he's never happy, so then I just go blank at school, and when I'm alone, I cry. If I'm home alone, I lock myself in the bathroom and cry...

So... yeah. This is the only thing that is and always has been tearing me apart, inside and out, whenever I think about it.